Wells Fargo Vegas Trip Back On; Plans to ‘Double Its Money’
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SAN FRANCISCO – In a surprising reversal, bailout beneficiary Wells Fargo announced today that it would commence with its planned trip to Las Vegas as scheduled contradicting its decision earlier to cancel the controversial corporate junket.
The sudden recantation came just hours after the bank’s recent tangle with lawmakers over what one analyst called “spitting in the face of the American taxpayer.”
“With everyone complaining about government bailouts, executive bonuses and wasteful spending, we figured ‘Why not double our money the old fashioned way?’” said the bank’s CEO, Monty Swindles as he boarded his private jet near Wells Fargo’s corporate headquarters in San Francisco.
Bailout, schmailout says Wells Fargo.
“We gamble with people’s money every day,” he continued. “And in these uncertain times, ROI’s aren’t guaranteed. This way, we’ll know right away if it pays off or not. Investors don’t need silly burdens like time standing in their way of profit.”
When pressed for further explanation of the brash and flippant remarks, Swindles simply responded by brandishing a rabbit’s foot charm, rubbing it softly as he disappeared into the plane.
Stunned by the news, President Obama planned an early morning press conference to address this shocking turn of events.
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