“President Obama delivered his 2012 budget to Congress yesterday, but it probably won’t get much action, since they still haven’t yet passed a budget for 2011. But to be fair, they have been busy posting shirtless photos of themselves on Craigslist.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama was in San Francisco today, meeting with a group of technology executives, including Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. Their goal is to figure out how to create new jobs, to replace jobs that have been lost as a result of everyone spending all their time at work on Facebook.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The President hopes that, based on the success of programs like Farmville, a million new imaginary jobs can be created by the year 2012.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Arkansas Congressman Steve Womack has proposed cutting funding for President Obama’s teleprompter. Oh man, when Obama finds out he’s going to be speechless.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Breast feeding activists plan to descend on Washington for a public breast feeding demonstration. Also descending on Washington, thousands of men saying, ‘What? I’m looking at the baby.’” —Conan O’Brien

“New rule: Stop calling it Obamacare. It’s not like Obama will be the doctor for your next prostate exam. That’s just a common fantasy of Republican men.” —Bill Maher

“First Lady Michelle Obama told ‘Regis & Kelly’ she was expecting jewelry on Valentine’s Day. She said it wouldn’t be anything extravagant because Barack tends to be responsible when he’s spending his own money.” —Jay Leno

“On Thursday Hosni Mubarak said he would not leave Egypt until he was dead. On Friday the crowd said, ‘Deal!’ So he fled.” —Jay Leno

“It was Egypt’s first week without Mubarak. He finally stepped down because of that sexy picture of him on the Internet.” —Craig Ferguson

“Former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak is thinking of moving to Los Angeles. Before you get him a roommate, just know that he’s really hard to evict.” —Conan O’Brien

“President Obama unveiled his new budget, including $ 1 trillion in spending cuts, which Obama called the most painful choice he’s ever made. Then he looked over at Joe Biden and said, ‘OK, second most painful choice.’” —Craig Ferguson

“The New York Times says new cars will no longer be equipped with cassette players. Come on, it’s 2011. People still read newspapers?” —Jimmy Fallon

“Dick Cheney presented Donald Rumsfeld with a Defender of the Constitution Award. And, yes, the irony was lost on both of them.” —Seth Meyers

“Facebook is looking into buying Twitter for around $ 10 billion. If all goes as planned, the company hopes to combine the two companies, creating the biggest waste of time the world has ever seen.” —Jay Leno

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? The Week’s Best Political Cartoons

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? Barack Obama Jokes
? Sarah Palin Jokes
? John Boehner Jokes
? Republican Jokes
? Democrat Jokes

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