“Sarah Palin continues to make significant contributions to the English language. She asked, ‘Is Libya a war, an intervention, a squrmish, what is it?’ Squirmish is how I feel every time I hear Sarah Palin talk.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Congress is mad at President Obama because he didn’t consult them before the war in Libya. Congress got us into two other wars and put us 14 trillion dollars in debt. I can’t imagine why he didn’t consult them.” —Jay Leno

“President Obama escalated the war in Afghanistan, he sent the Navy in to shoot at pirates in the Indian Ocean, and now he’s attacking Libya. It’s like he took the Nobel Peace Prize as an insult.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The CIA is now arming the Libyan rebels, which means that in 10 years, we’ll be fighting them.” —David Letterman

“The rebel army in Libya is just like 1,000 guys in Toyota trucks. The world is asking the question; can 1000 anti-government guys in pick-up trucks with small arms, take over a country of millions? To which I say, ask the Teabaggers.” —Bill Maher

“President Obama is getting criticized from both sides for having no clear exit strategy to get out of Libya. But neither does Gaddafi. So I think it balances out a little bit.” —Jay Leno

“Republican Congressman Tom Marino, who is on the Foreign Affairs Committee, said: ‘If we go into Libya, where does it stop? Do we go into Africa next?’ So, you see why he’s not on the Intelligence Committee.” —Jay Leno

“Obama’s bracket — busted. None of his picks are going to the Final Four. I mean, the one time he takes quick, decisive action, and look what happened.” —Jay Leno

“A reporter in Florida was forced into a closet by Joe Biden’s staff to keep him from talking to guests at a fund-raiser. The guy said it wouldn’t have been so bad if Biden wasn’t already in there for the same reason.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Today, possible presidential candidate Donald Trump released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as blue and his hair as ridiculous.” —Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.” —Craig Ferguson

“Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs — another blonde airhead.” —Bill Maher

“The IRS is auditing more millionaires than ever before. Especially real estate millionaires with funny hair who are questioning where the President was born.” —Jay Leno

“President Obama was offered the first pitch for opening day, but he declined because he’s a Muslim that hates our national pastime. Either that or he’s busy with Libya.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama says that he prays every night before bed. Or as Fox News reported, ‘Obama in Daily Talks With Allah.’” —Conan O’Brien

“President Obama’s approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.” —Jay Leno

“Newt Gingrich said he’s afraid America will become an atheist country dominated by radical Islamists. Right. Our big problem could be religious atheists, almost as bad as pacifist warmongers. If they hook up with the communist capitalists we’re screwed.” —Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin said on Fox News that we are in a ‘squirmish’ with Libya. When she was corrected, she said, ‘Listen, I shouldn’t be expected to get everything 100 percent Accura.’” —
Conan O’Brien

“General Electric did not pay any taxes at all last year. Of course that’s because G.E. reported its sale of NBC as a charitable donation.” —Conan O’Brien

“I know the Supreme Court ruled that corporations are people, but what I didn’t realize is that those people are a**holes.” —Jon Stewart

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? Republican Jokes
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